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She loves the attention of 4 men at the photographers.

I would do anything for Charlie -- but was I willing to do this. Our friendship was the most stable thing in my life and I wasn't willing to risk that! The night before Charlie's birthday, I barely slept. I wasn't ready to change anything about us. Finally, I had decided this was not for me.

Thankfully, on Charlie's birthday, I was working a full day followed by a work event in the evening. I would just pop by his place and give him his gifts. I stopped by his place, very early, hoping he would be asleep. As expected, he was still snoozing in his lazy boy chair in the living room (ya I don't get it either -- he had slept there for years). I walked in and called out happy birthday. Slowly waking up, Charlie saw me standing there with gifts in hand. I quickly hugged him before he could get up and gave him a swift, chase, peck on the cheek. "Happy birthday Sweets, sorry I have to run". With that, I left before Charlie could say anything, rushing out of his place and off to work.

Later that day, I received a lovely text from Charlie thanking me for the amazing gift, signing off his text "best friends forever and love you always no matter what". I know he was trying to reassure me that our friendship was solid. It didn't work. I was anxious all day. I found myself snapping at co-workers and at one point sitting in a bathroom stall crying. What was wrong with me, why was I so hurt by this and why couldn't I let it go? As my anxiety built through the day, everything seemed wrong. My evening event went by like a blur, and despite being there, I wasn't really there at all. My mind was fixated on Charlie. I was asked more than once if I was alright, which I was able to chalk up to being tired. I guess this wasn't a lie since I really hadn't slept much the night before!

Once home, I dropped everything, grabbed a shower, put on my boy shorts and tank and hopped into bed. This day was finally done at 1000pm and I was ready to sleep solidly. By 1100pm it became painfully obvious that my tossing and turning wasn't going to end anytime soon. My anxiety was at its peak with my head and heart feeling like they were going to explode. Crawling out of bed, I threw on a hoodie, slid my feet into my sandals and grabbed my keys. I'll be damned if I was going to let Charlie's silly request make me go crazy like this and not talk to him about it. I had to talk to Charlie.

During the 20 minute drive to his place, I cried, yelled and laughed. I literally felt like I was going crazy. How dare he put me in this position? It was then that the reality of the situation hit me like a ton of bricks. I wasn't mad at him at all. I was so conflicted within myself, that I was causing all of this the mental chaos all by myself. Would I like to kiss Charlie to see what it's like? Well .... I guess. This scared me. Actually, this terrified me!

Pulling up to Charlie's place, I could tell he was all tucked into his lazy boy, tv on and lights off by the glow coming out of his window. I also knew that Charlie would have hear the truck pull up, as he was always in tune to listening out for clients. I walked straight in the house and came face to face with Charlie in the kitchen.

"Lizzy, what are you doing here? Are you ok? What's happened?" Charlie asked, concern plain on his face.

I stared at him, unsure if I was angry or scared and asked my questions before I changed my mind.

"Do you promise it wouldn't change anything...yes or no"

"Come on Lizzy, you..." I cut him off before he could continue and spoke with my voice raised ever so slightly and much firmer.

"YES or NO"

"Yes, of course" Charlie said smiling.

"Do you promise you would never tell anyone about this...yes or no"

"Lizzy, this is ridi..."

"YES OR NO" I said, even louder, tears starting to well in my eyes.

"Yes, I promise" Charlie said looking at me with sadness and concern.

"Do you promise that this is just cause you want to see what it's like and not

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