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She loved doing her shows, till she didn't.

The boy jerked at the touch and Nye drew back slightly as the movement caused his bum to rub against him.

Bending forwards again to caress the boy's shoulders, Nye could see curling strands of golden hair flicking out from under the hood and, for some reason it made him think of Kane. He was momentarily distracted, surprised by the stab of pain and guilt this provoked. He was still raw and hurting about Kane's rejection but still ridiculously guilty. Why should he feel that he was somehow letting down not only his friend but himself in doing this? It wasn't even as if Kane was interested in being his friend anymore...he had rejected him hadn't he; cast him off without a moment's thought.

When the boy started to struggle again he was taken completely by surprise and jumped back. He looked up at Adam fearing disapproval. Surprisingly Adam simply smiled indulgently.

"Why don't you take a break? Go and get a drink of water and I'll finish up the preparation myself. Come back in ten minutes."

"But... What's wrong with him? If he doesn't want to be here..."

"Don't worry about that Nye. They are often like this to begin with. He is confused and disoriented by the preparation he has already undergone."

"Like being drugged?"

"You seem to have an issue with that Nye."

"No, not really. I understand why... it's just... it doesn't feel right to be doing this to him when he doesn't really want it."

"What makes you think he doesn't want it?"

"He... he doesn't seem to be... compliant."

"You've been in that position yourself Nye... and that was with someone you knew and trusted, with a very different kind of preparation. You were not new to the scene, you knew everyone involved, and if I recall you were still... reluctant, until you got into it." Nye squirmed at the memory but struggled to keep his face carefully neutral.

"Trust me... this is not unusual. If you stop now you will deprive him of his chance of ever being accepted here. Is that what you want?"

Nye shook his head, startled and ashamed. Adam laughed and took him into a full embrace, kissing him in a way that stole his breath and his reservations.

"I am very pleased with you Nye. Most people are drawn naturally to one role or the other, there are not that many who are completely comfortable with both and even fewer who are really good at both. You are showing great promise and all you need is confidence. This is a very useful skill to acquire and you have an excellent teacher. Just relax and stop being so worried and uptight and you will find it a very liberating experience."

"I'm sorry Adam."

Adam kissed him again and pressed against him grinding their hips together. "I forgive you," he whispered into his ear, and then slapped him soundly on the bottom and sent him skittering for the door.

Sipping from a bottle of cold water from the fridge in one of the changing rooms Nye pondered his position and concluded that it wasn't so bad. Being on this side of the whip was definitely better than the other side... but just as disturbing. Would he ever get used to this, be as easy with it as Adam?

He told himself that Adam had been doing it a lot longer than he had and, as owner of The Club and instigator of the dungeon he was completely in control. Maybe one day he would have the respect and control that Adam did and it would be different then... wouldn't it?

Unbidden his mind turned again to Kane. He hadn't thought about him for such a long time and he felt guilty about that. But... He had thought Kane was his best friend, the one person, outside of his family, who would stand by him no matter what. So why had he just dumped him, with no explanation, no reason, no consideration... when he knew how important friends were to him right now?
Maybe he hadn't. Maybe there was a reason for what he had done. Maybe Kane was in trouble and he was so immersed in his own misery that he hadn't picked up the signs, hadn't been open to listen to his.

Waves of guilt washed over him again and he wanted to curl up in a corner.

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