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On the road with Madam Zira.


Wayne grinned as he pulled the trigger. "Please do."

Five minutes later, Wayne was sitting at his table, happily munching away on his last slice as he watched the poor (and very tired) mall security guard hauling away the food thief. Hot on his heels was the nosy woman, tearing off pieces of clothing as she struggled to keep up, her pantyhose down around her ankles. "Please, Mister, PLEASE arrest me!" she pleaded. "I'll do ANYTHING. I'll be a bad girl! I promise! PLEASE?!!!"

"What do you mean my bags are headed to Detroit?!" I was trying not to yell but it was really, really hard. The woman at the counter must have been related to the stewardess because she couldn't keep her eyes off her nails. Or maybe she'd just had a long day. I certainly knew how that felt.

"We'll have our contracted service deliver them to your hotel as soon as they come back," she muttered and pressed some buttons on her computer. "Where were you staying again?"

I heard the last, but I was still one sentence behind. "And when will that be?" My hands were shaking now. "I have a very important meeting in the morning."

She started to answer, but was interrupted by another woman who came out of an office behind the counter. "Sheila, you have a call park on 322."

"Sweet!" the first woman stopped typing suddenly and darted back into the office, leaving me standing there suddenly wondering how long the underwear I currently had on would have to stay clean.

His hunger sated, Wayne wandered through the large department store looking for more people to test his Enraptro-Raygun on. His attention was drawn to a rather loud conversation coming from the perfume department.

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're out of that particular brand." A young blonde saleswoman was across the glass counter from a middle-aged man who was holding an ad from the newspaper out over the glass.

"But it's only been on sale for two days," he was obviously distressed. "It's my wife's birthday and she's gonna kill me."

"Oh," the woman waved him off and picked up a bottle from a nearby display, "give her this one, it's all the rave." She stopped to look over her hair in the mirror. Wayne smiled and aimed his gun.

"But that's five times as expensive!" he fumed. "Do you or don't you honor your advertised specials?"

"Well, excuuuuuuse me, sir, why don't I just go in the back and mix some up in our kettle back there?" she rolled her eyes.

"This is inexcusable!" He stammered. "I demand to speak to your supervisor!"

She sighed and reached into her purse and pulled out her lipstick. "Oh, okay, if you're THAT upset, I guess I could give you a blowjob or something."

"Huh?" he stuttered and dropped the paper on the counter as he watched her apply the pink make-up.

"Come on!" she turned to look at herself in the mirror again. "I don't have all day." She pursed her lips. "Just move over here on this side and open up your fly."


She reached out and grabbed his arm with one hand and started to unbutton her blouse with the other. "Okay, I understand at your age, you may need to see some boobie to get it up."

"WELL, it you're going to be insulting about it!!!" he huffed, straightened up and moved around to the other side of the counter.

"That's more like it," she said as she fell to her knees and started fumbling with his zipper. "Just keep your eye out for more customers."

Just then, Wayne noticed her supervisor, an older brunette, approaching the department. He aimed his gun...

"Just WHAT is the meaning of this?!" the supervisor said with a shocked expression as she noticed the man standing behind the counter, the top of the blonde woman's head bobbing back and forth just above the glass.

"Well," he started to explain, "this employee was being rather rude, you see, and I demanded to speak to her superior."

"That would be me," the brunette said as she walked behind the counter. "Is your complaint being addressed to your satisfaction?"

"Well, act

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