I had been happily serving Linda as her toy boy for a few months. XXX Images

A true story about a girl I met on the internet.

We grew close. Over working lunches and after parties we discovered we have many interests in common, and a strong emotional bond developed. We have been seeing each other socially for about a month, I can't lie, but we have not done more than hold hands and exchange a chaste kiss now and then. When we decided to pursue an exclusive relationship, we had hoped to spare you pain. Sally thought you would respond calmly, and eventually accept what she wants out of the rest of her life. We never anticipated you taking it so hard."

"Still, we both feel strongly about pursuing this dream, so I am prepared to make your life easier in return for your acceptance of the inevitable. I spent my life trying not to flaunt my wealth, and trying to use it to make the world better, so I feel very strange having you think of me as, oh Sally, how did he say it?"

"Mr. I Have Everything So Im Stealing Your Wife Just For Kicks Teddy Worthalot."

"Yes, quite painful. But I do see your point. So in return for your understanding I am prepared to offer you some distinctly pleasant compensation. First, I am on the board of directors of your company. We will be holding our monthly meeting on Friday. Before that meeting the law firm of Cox and Coles will send a representative to the chairman with a lawsuit claiming unlawful termination due to age discrimination against the company and your ex-boss. I will ensure you are handsomely compensated for your losses by an extremely attractive golden parachute deal, partially funded by a severe cut in salary both to your ex-boss and the little toadie he hired to replace you."

A good start I thought. Lets definitely forget inventing strike four.

"Next, I can't replace the loss of your wife in your golden years as she reports you put it. However, I can assure you ways of attracting ample female companionship of either the long or short term variety as you desire. I have a property at the harbor with a lovely four bedroom condo, a 50' docking space, and deeded membership to the attached yacht club. It is yours free and clear, with 15 years of fees and membership costs paid in advance."

Strike three, erased.

"I will pay your parking fines, and get your car out of impound. Since old cars are your passion, I have a '72 Dino 246 GT in my garage at West Palm that could use a little TLC. The car is like new, but it has been stored for years, and I have been meaning to sell it to someone who cares. I believe you will love this car and treasure it as it should be treasured. While not a woman like Sally, driving it to classic car meets on a sunny summer day would make you look extremely sexy, and may grease the skids for you finding someone to fill the void Sally will leave behind."

Yes Teddy did have money. And he wasn't afraid to use it. I had to be careful not to insinuate he was buying my wife. I was actually pretty happy with how far he was going, I didn't want to ruin it now.

Strike Two? What strike two? I never said strike two, did I?

"Next, I have this little townhouse in New Hampshire. I bought it for my son when he was on a learn to ski kick, but it didn't last, and no one ever uses it. I know you love to ski, and this place is quite lovely. It has maid service and I'll even throw in the Jeep in the garage. Sorry, it is a new Jeep, and I know you like classic cars. But it is very reliable in the cold and even in very deep snow, so I think you'll like it."

Like to ski? Shit, I loved it, but Sally didn't. So we rarely went, and never for longer than a day or two. So money, a condo on the water, a condo on the slopes, a jeep, a classic Ferrari, my Caddy back in my garage, and a significant financial settlement.

Strike one erased.

But I had to play it cool.

"I don't know. How can I accept that in return for the love of my life. It's very generous Teddy, but there just isn't money to replace Sally. You win. Take her. I don't need compensation."

"Don't look at it as compensation.